fowl Deeds 



-by- 



JENNY WREN 



^ 




PRICE 35 GENTS 



Eldridge Entertainment House 

Franklin, Ohio ^ Denver, Colo. 



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Eldridge Entertainment House 

Franklin, Ohio, also 944 S. Logan, Denver, Colo. 



FOWL DEEDS 



A NEGRO COMEDY 



By JENNY WREN 



Copyright, 1920, Eldridge Entertainment House 



PUBLISHED BY 

ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE, 
Franklin, Ohio Denver, Colo. 



CAST OF CHARACTERS V " 



Sambo Jeremiah Gittem — A purloiner of chickens. 

Maw — Sambo's wife and accomplice. 

Florence Nightingale Gittem — Student daughter of 
Sambo. 

Abraham Lincoln Gittem ) 

,• Sons of Sambo 
George Washington Gittem \ 

Rev. U. R. Longwind — A colored preacher 

Rastus — Suitor to Florence Nightingale 

Aunt CWoe — A neighbor 

Mr. Vincent — A white man 

Time — The Present. 

Place — The home of Sambo, and a negro church. 



DEC 30 I ® CLD 56892 



TMP92-007635 



FOWL DEEDS 



ACT I. 



Stage Setting— Humble negro home. Darkey mother 
in tatters, red handkerchief on head; crooning baby; 
house topsy-turvy ; George Washington, 12, and Abraham 
Lincoln, 13, having a pillow fight. Table, chairs and & 
couch. Poor furniture. 

Mother — Dar, dar, now, chillen, that'll do; I can't 
never git dis here Mary Ann Elizabeth Jane ter sleep wid 
all dat noise. 

Abraham Lincoln — Well, ma, I ain't doin' it. It's 
George Washington. (Flings pillow at George.) 
" George — (picking up pillow; throws it at Abraham, 
then another.) No, ma, 'tain't me neither. Abraham Lin- 
coln, he knocked mah brains out first. 

Maw — Knocked your brains out! Neither one of you 
ain't got no brains. You jist like your paw. (G. W. 
throws another pillow. Main reaches to corner for stick) 
Git out o' heah, git to bed. Lawsy me ! Florence Night- 
ingale gits home from her yeah at de mission school on de 
mornin' train. She'll think you boys am a lot o' hood- 
lums. Git, now! 

G. W. — Say, maw, did you know Abraham Lincoln 
fell into the water today ? 

Maw — (looking A. L. up and down) Lawsy, me! Ab- 
raham Lincoln! What for did you fall into de watah? 
Did you git out again? 

A. L. — Did I git out again? No, maw, I'm in dere 
yet. (All laugh.) 



•4 Fowl Deeds 

Maw — Git to bed, ya scallawag! What i'o was you 
at de watah ? 

A. L. — What fo' was I at de watah? We weren't 
doin' nothin'. We'se jist sittin' by de ribber, a-drinkin' 
it all in. 

Maw — Yo' lazy good fer nothin's, git to bed. I ain't 
got no wood; so yo' got to git up in de mornin' and chop 
down dat elm. G'wan now! 

G. W. — Chop down dat tree! Why maw! If we 
chops down dat tree, we jist have to chop it up. (Laugh) 

A. L. — Aw, maw. We don't need to chop down no 
wood, dere's a hundred sticks a-layin' roun' our back door. 

Mate — Abraham Lincoln! Dere you go exageratin' 
again. Haven't I tol' ye 40,000 times dat ye mustn't ex- 
agerate like dat? Now, gwan to bed. (Boys make faces 
at each other, turn a handspring and scamper off.) Don't 
fergit ter say yo' prayers! Lawsy, me! (Setting down 
stick. Baby cries.) Now, Mary Ann Elizabeth Jane; 
don't you git te fussin' now. (Rocks crying child, who 
gets quiet. Sits down on rocker, and sings darky lullaby. 
After song she lays baby down on pillow on floor.) 

Maw — Lawsy, me ! Nine o'clock, and paw ain't home 
yit! Lawsy, me! Guess he'll hab a good chicken fer 
Florence Nightingale's dinner, tomorrer. Guess ah'd bet- 
ter git his supper ready. (Hurries around.) Lawsy, me! 
If ah do say it, Sambo am good at gittin' chickens, praise 
de Lawd! (Sets old broken dishes on dirty, bare table; 
pulls hair out of butter, and pulls it through mouth.) 
Lawsy, me! (Puts cream pitcher to mouth and tastes 
cream, makes face, spits on floor, sets cream on table, 
cuts bread, spills it on floor, picks it up and places it on 
table.) Lawsy me! Sambo am late. (Turns to sleeping 
babe.) Ah declare! Mary Ann Elizabeth Jane, ye won't 
know yer sister when she comes, she'll be that blooming 
stuck up. Ah never did want ter send her to dat mission 
school, but yer paw, he was so dead stuck on it, ah could- 
n't do nothin' ; but Mary Ann Elizabeth Jane, if she 
comes home thinkin' she's better than you an' me, we'll 
show her. (Noise is heard outside door. Knocking. Mam 



Fowl Deeds 5 

opens door and admits Sambo carrying a living chicken 
under each arm, grinning. Maw continues.) Lawsy me! 
Deary me! Two ob 'em, Sambo! You shuah will be git- 
tin' catched soon. 

Sambo — Neber mind, honey. Ah knows bettern dat. 
De good Lawd protects his own. (Puts chicken, whose 
legs are tied, on table.) 

Maw — Bless de Lawd! (Pets chickens.) Florence 
Nightingale will hab one good dinner. (Noise is heard 
outside. Man's voice roily "Whoa" to horse. Knock on 
door. Sambo and Maw look scared.) Sambo, you hide 
quick! (Sambo crawls under couch. Maw piits chickens 
on floor; stands ove^ them, hiding them with her skirts. 
Another loud knock. A. L. and G. W. come scampering 
out from bedroom.) Come in. (A. L. opens door.) 

A. L. — Come in, Mr. Vincent. 

(Enter Mr. Vincent, a, middle-aged white man, whip 
in hand, looking stern and searchingly around the room.) 

Maw — Howdy, Mr. Vincent. How am you all? Have 
a chair. 

Mr. V. — (sternly} No! I've just lost some more of 
my chickens and my dogs trailed the scent this way. You 
haven't seen anything of them, have you? 

Maw — No, indeed, ah haven't seed a chicken fer ma- 
ny a week. None eber comes dis way. 

Mr. V. — Where's Sambo? 

Maw — I don't know. He ain't to home. But if we 
eber heah ob de man what took your chickens, we'll shuah 
let yo' know. (She has trouble hiding the chickens whil4 
speaking.) 

Mr. V. — If ever I catch him, I'll sure knock his 
brains out. 

(A. L. snickers, and. puts hand over mouth.) 

Mr. V. — (turning suddenly to boys.) Abraham Lin- 
coln, where's your father? 

(Boys look at each other, scared.) 

G. W. — He's — he's sick. ("Mother puts 7ip hand in 
warning.) 



6 Foicl Deeds 

Mr. V.— Sick? What's the matter with him? 

A. L. — Ah — ah — guess — it's chicken pox. 

(Sambo ivriggles trying to get farther under couch. 
G. W. snickers again.) 

Maw — George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, go 
to bed this minute. You're too rude. 

(Boys only grin.) 

Mr. V. — (turning to Maw angrily) I thought you 
said Sambo wasn't home. 

Maw — Ah — ah — said he wasn't here. Meanin', ob 
course, dat he wasn't in dis room, an' knowin' he wasn't 
able to come. Lawsy me! He's jist sufferin' terrible dis 
minute. Ah oughter be puttin' a hot poultice on his 
heart. 

Mr. V. — Well, you tell him to keep a sharp lookout 
for that nigger who stole my chickens. 

Maw — Dat I will, sir. 

(Mr. V. turns to go.) 

A. L. — Say Mr. Vincent do you keep many chickens? 

Mr. V. — (shouting) Keep many chickens! No, I 
should say I do not. But I try to. (Exit.) 

(A. L. and G. W. shout with glee, turn a handspring, 
then rush to Maw, pulling out a chicken each from under 
her skirts, hold them aloft and dance around the room, 
laughing. Sambo crawls out, grinning.) 

Maw — Lawsy me! Dat was a close one. Dat chile 
almost gib you away. 

Sambo — He said he'd knock mah brains out. Ha, ha, 
ha! What would ah be doin' then? 

A. L. — He couldn't knock any brains out ob you, 
could he paw? 

Maw — He shuah couldn't. (All laugh.) 

(Steps are heard again outside door. Door opens. 
Boys each hold their chicken behind them,. Maw rushes 
to front of couch, spreading out her apron, while Sambo^ 



Fowl Deeds 7 

hurriedly crawls beneath couch. Mr. V. again enters and 
looks around suspiciously.) 

Mr. V. — I just wanted to ask you to be sure to tell 
the man who took my chickens that he'll get his brains 
knocked out. 

Maw — We sure will tell him, Mr. Vincent, if we eber 
sees him. 

G. W. — But, Mr. Vincent, do you think you can knock 
any brains out of him? (Both boys snicker.) 

Mr. V. — I'll show him. (Turns and goes out.) 

G. W.—f calls) Ah'll help yer lick him. 

(Sambo crawls out. Maw takes chickens. Sambo 
bends over to tie shoe, and G. W. hits him, — a tin 'pan in 
pants making much noise.) 

Sambo — Ouch! Gwan to bed, or yer won't git no 
chicken tomorrer. 

Maw — (busy untying the legs of one chicken, while\ 
other chicken flops around the room.) Lawsy me! Gwan 
now, chillen. (A. L. grabs G. W. by the ear, and they 
scamper off quarreling.) Ye'd better say yer prayers 
agin. (A. L. comes back.) 

A. L. — Say, paw, Ah wants a monkey dreadful bad. 
Won't you gib me a quartah ter buy one? 

Sambo — What? Gib yo' a quartah to buy a monkey? 
Wal Ah reckon we got a monkey in our family already. 

A. L. — Who's de monkey. Paw? 

Sambo — Why, you're de monkey, ob course. 

A. L. — Den, paw, if Ah'm de monkey, won't you gib 
me some money ter buy peanuts for de monkey? 

Sambo — Peanuts, nothin' ! (Picks up stick threaten- 
ingly. Git ter bed. (A. L. turns handspring and moves 
off-) Wall maw, ah reckon de good Lawd has been good 
to us. 

Maw — Ah don't like dat there Mr. Vincent. He give 
me sich a nasty look. ■ 



8 Fowl Deeds 

Sambo — Ha, ha, ha ! Ah no. Maw. Mr. Vincent did- 
n't gib you dat nasty look — yo've allays had it. 

Maiv — Lawsy me! Sambo Jeremiah Jones! (Picks 
up a chicken as if to throw it at Sambo, who rushes out, 
chased by maw.) 

CURTAIN 



S; - 



ACT II. 

Stage Setting- Negro church: Rev. Longwind in 
clerical robes addresses his congregation of colored peo- 
ple. The negro cast make up the congregation. 

Rev. Longwind — Now, bredren, let us open our meet- 
in' wid a good ole niggah song. (Use any convenient ne- 
gro melody. ) All rise will ye. (Preacher beats time and 
all sing, G. W. occasionally drawing out a line after oth- 
ers have finished.! Be seated please. (Takes off glasses.) 
Now, bredren, I hope you all have been good Baptists dis 
week. Yo' know de good book meant us all to be Baptists. 
I can prove dat. Fo' you know it talks much of John de 
Baptist, but neber does de good book mention John de 
Mefodist, or John de Congregationalist. So I charge you 
bredren, to obey de word, and be good Baptists. (Mary 
Ann Elizabeth Jane cries. Maw gets up to take her out.) 
Heah, sister Gittem, neber mind takin' dat baby out; 
she's not disturbir/ me. 

Maw — turning at door.) No, maybe she's not dis- 
turbin' you; but you're a disturbin' her. (Goes out.) 

Rev. — Now, bredren, ah want yo' all to hab a good, 
clean conscience. Yo' know de Lawd kills some men wid 
guilty consciences. Just last week ah read of a man who 
swallowed a lot ob gold paint, and de Lawd killed him. 
An* do you know what de doctor said caused his death? 

Sambo — No, massa, what id de doctor say caused his 
death after eatin' gold paint? 

Rev. — Well, after he'd eaten de gold paint an' was 
dead, de doctor said he died of a consciousness of inward 



Fowl Deeds 9 

guilt. Dat, bredren, consciousness ob inward guilt, means 
a guilty conscience. Now, yo' see de results ob a bad con- 
science, and yo' can't hab a bad conscience unless you've 
bin transgressin'. (Pauses.) Now, bredren, dis am an 
experience meetin', an' ah want yo' all to say what is on 
your mind. 

Sambo — (rising) Massa preacher Ah was to de 
country las' week, an' ah saw a man ah tinks we oughta 
pray for. Ah know now why de milk we gits am so poor. 

Rev. — Why, Sambo, am de milk we gits so poor? 

Sambo — De milk we git am poor 'cause he watered 
his cows jist before he milked 'em. 

Rev. — ( shaking head solemnly.) Watered his cows 
jist before he milked dem? Wal, Mr. Gittem, what was 
dat man's name? We certainly must place him before de 
Lawd. No wonder our milk am blue. 

Sambo — George Drinkwater was his name. 

Rev. — George Drinkwater. Ah will indeed pray for 
him. Anybody else wish to speak? 

(Maw enters carrying sleeping babe.) 

Rev. — That's right, ma good woman. Ah likes to see 
de mudders come ter meetin'. Yo' know "De hand dat 
rocks de cradle rules de world." 

Maw — If de nan' dat rocks de cradle rules de world, 
I say "Heah, Sambo, rule de world awhile, I'se tired! 
(Hands the child to Sambo.) 

Rev. — One ting more, bredren, I would like to speak 
ob. Ah met a man yesterday who saw two skulls ob de 
Apostle Paul in Rome, one as a boy, an' de odder as a 
man. Now I thought, bredren that it might be quite an 
inspitation to us to hab a skull ob de great apostle in our 
church. What does de bredren tink? Dis man dat I 
talked to might procure us one f o' a few dollahs. Could 
we raise de money? What do you tink, Brudder Rastas? 

Rastvs — (rising slowly) Ah dunno, Massa preacher, 
wedder or not we could raise de money. It shuah would 
be an inspiration to hab one ob de Apostle Paul's skulls 
heah; but Ah dunno wedder or not we can git de money. 



10 Fowl Deeds 

Yo' know Massa Deacon Skinflint am our wealthiest man. 
He ailays says he has nothin' but praise for his pastor; 
an' I've noticed as ah takes up de collection dat dat am all 
he eber does hab. So we can't count on nothin' from 
Deacon Skinflint. 

G. W. — (bursting with laughter, shouts out) Say, 
Mr. Preacher ! How many heads do you suppose dat dere 
man, Paul, had? 

Rev. — Chile, Little folks should be seed an' not 
heard ! 

(Maw takes G. W. by the ear arid pulls him out of the 
room, then loud blows can be heard. All look toward door) 
(After short pause, she re-enters.) 

Rastus — Massa Preacher, hadn't we better let St. 
Paul's skulls drop, an' pray for de saussy chillen? (Sits 
down.) 

Rev. — Yes, brudder, we'll bring de saussy boy before 
de Lawd. Ah once heard of a saussy boy who disturbed 
religious meetings, jist like dat George Washington done, 
and de next day he fell overboard in mid-ocean and neber 
was seed again. 

Aunt Chloe — Fell overboard in mid-ocean! Do you 
mean to say, Massa Precaher, dat he was drowned? 

Rev. — Oh, no, Aunt Chloe, of course not; but he 
sprained his ankle quite severely. Anybody else anything 
to bring before de meetin', or any religious questions to 
ask? 

Rastus — (rising slowly) Brudder Preacher, I've ben 
wonderin' all week what de millenium am what you talked 
about las' week? Can yo' mak dat mo' clear? 

Rev. — De millenium, massa Rastus! You ben won- 
derin' what de millenium am? Why, ah shuah is s'prised 
at yo' ignorance, Rastus. De millenium am about de same 
as a Methodist centennial, only it am got mo' legs. Any- 
body else got anything else to ask? (Rastus sits down.) 

Sambo — (rising) Massa Preacher. 

Rev. — Yes, Sambo, what am it? 



Fowl Deeds u 

Sambo— Ah's often wondered what Noah did all dem 
forty days he were in de ark? (Sits down.) 

Rev. — You wants to know what Noah did ter kill de 
time, I suppose, while he was a-waitin' in de ark? Wal, 
I tink likely he spen' mo' ob de time a-fishin. 

A. L.— A-fishin' Massa? Didn't de animals go in two 
by two? 

Rev. — Yes, chile, der were two ob every kind of ani- 
mal. 

A. L. — Wal, don't you know Massa, dat he couldn't 
fish long wid jist two worms? 

Rev. — Well, ah reckon de fish didn't bite very good 
dem days. Anybody else anything ter ask? 

Aunt Chloe— De oder day, Massa Preacher, ah heard 
a man say dat de Lord he done sent volcanoes fer to pun- 
ish wicked niggahs. Am dat true? 

Rev. — De Lawd sent de volcanoes? No, mah good 
woman, de Lawd does not send de volcanoes. Don't you 
know a man dey calls John D. Rockefellah send de volca- 
noes? 

Aunt Chloe — John D. Rochefellah send de volcanoes? 
How in de world can dat man send de volcanoes? 

Rev. — Wal, you see it's dis way. De good Lawd he 
made de earth to swing around on two poles, and de Lawd 
he puts lots ob oil in de middle ob de earth to grease de 
poles. But dat man dey calls John D. Rochefellah he gone 
an' took out mos' ob de oil, so dat when de earth turns 
'round so fas' de pole in de middle am too hot, and gits 
afire, den we hab a volcano. 

Aunt Chloe — Well, I tink de Lord ought ter punish 
dat man. 

Rev, — Anybody else any troubles dat dey would like 
advice on? Anything ter bring before de Lord? 

Sambo — (slowly rising) Massa preacher, you ask if 
anybody's got any troubles. Ah got a heap o' trouble. 
But vou know de good Lawd couldn't help me none. 



12 Fowl Deeds 

Rev. — Why, Mr. Sambo Jeremiah Gittem, you got a 
lot ob trouble? What can it be? Jist tell it heah to de 
Lord, an' ah know he'll help yer. 

Sambo — (sadly) No, Massa Preacher, it's trouble 
wid mah wife. De good Lawd don't know mah wife. 

Rev. — But, massa, I'm a specialist in family matters 
— ah got fourteen chillens. 

Sambo — Well, Massa Preacher, yo' see it's dis way. 
Mah wife she be a constantly boddering me fer money, all 
de time. One day it's five cents she asks for, den it's a 
dime, yesterday she wanted a quarter, an' today it was 
fifty cents. She's jist a boddering me fer money all de 
time. 

Rev. — Why, Sambo, dat surely am awful. We must 
certainly bring her befo' de Lawd. What in de world does 
she do wid all dat money ? 

Sambo — Do wid all dat money? Why, man, I ain't 
nebber give her none yet. 

Rev. — Well, if you's a good providah, you don't need 
to give her no money. 

Sambo — A good providah, Massa! Ah shuah am; 
but mah wife she's powerful skeered I'll git catch ed at it. 

Rastus — Massa Preacher. When Ah gits married, 
me an' mah wife isn't goin' to hab no quarrels. 

Rev. — Dat's right massa Pvastus. I wish you would 
git married. Why I heard de other day dat in Porto Rico 
you could buy a wife fo' five dollahs. 

Rastus — Five dollahs, massa preacher! Why, man, 
if a nigger's got five dollahs he don't need no wife. 

(All laugh.) 

Rev. — Let me remind you, Brudder Sambo, dat when 
a man marries he takes his wi+'e for bettah or for worse. 

Sambo — You say massa that a man takes his wife 
for bettah or fo' worse. Ah took mah wife for bettah, but 
she am a lot worse than ah took her for. 

Rerv. — Now, bredren, we'd better pray for de sick 
Can some one tell me who am sick dis week? 



Fowl Deed* 13 

Aunt Chine — You wants to know who's sick dis week. 
Ah thinks Maria Jane Wilmington is purty sick. 

Rev. — Maria Jane Wilmington! Why, ah buried her 
yesterday. 

Aunt Chloe — Lawsy me! Buried Maria Jane Wil- 
mington! Is she dead? 

Rev. — Is she dead? I reckon dat's why we buried 
her. 

(A. L. and G. W. snicker, then laugh aloud. ) 

Rev. — Don't you know chillens, dat you shouldn't 
laugh in meetin'? 

A. L. — Well, massa. We was jist smilin' and de smile 
bust. 

Sambo — Ah 'pologize fer dem chillens bein' heah. Ah 
sent 'em to bed, but dey didn't stay sent. 

Rev. — Dis week ah married two ob our good people, 
and do you know de bride asked to hab de word "Obey" 
left out ob de ceremony. Now, what do you tink ob dat, 
bredren? 

Aunt Chloe — Hab de word"Obey" left out ob de mar- 
riage ceremond? No, brudder preacher, ah wouldn't of- 
end de good Lord by havin' de word "Obey" limited from 
de marriage ceremony, but ah shuah would hab it limited 
from de marriage, itself. 

Maw: — (loudly) Amen! 

Rev. — Now if dere's no mo' questions — 

A. L. — Massa Preacher. Do you suppose Saint Peter 
was a niggah? 

Rastus — Was Saint Peter a niggah? Naw, chile, 
Peter wern't no niggah. 

A. L. — How you know Peter weren't no niggah? 

Rastus — 'Cause, if Peter had been a niggah, dat 
rooster neber would hab had a chance to crow three 
times. 

Rev. — Dat reminds me bredren, dere is one ting mo' 
dat ah wants to speak about. A.h understand dat some of 
our bredren hab been fallin' by de wayside wid chicken 



U Fowl Deeds 

stealin'. (All move uneasily on chairs.) Now, before we 
take de collection ah wish' ter say dat we don't want no 
tainted money. If any ob de bredren hab been fallin' by 
de wayside, let him put in no money. De Lawd cannot 
use tainted money. Now. Brudder Rastus, you take de col- 
lection, whilst ah watch for de fallen bredren. (Rastus 
gets collection plate, passes it to all, but not a cent is> 
placed therein. Takes empty plate, to preacher, who holdst 
it up, looking at it with open mouth.) Ah beg yo' pardon, 
bredren. Possibly ah spoke too hastily. Ah do withdraw 
mah remarks. De collection will be taken again. (Ras- 
tus again passes plate, and all happily contribute.) Now, 
bredren, let us close by singin' a good ol' niggah song. 
(All rise and sing, then pass out. Rev. calls after them.) 
Don't forget ter bring de trespasses befo' de Lord. (Rev. 
picks up books, and passes out.) 

CURTAIN 



ACT III. 

Stage Set. — Sambo's home the next morning. Man) 
getting breakfast. Abraham Lincoln whittling a stick; 
Geo. Washington throwing a ball up and dcnvn. 

G. W. — Maw, do yon know what ah wish? 

Maw — Fer land's sake, no! George Washington Git- 
tem, yer allays a-wantin' something. What is yo' wish, 
now? 

G. W. — Ah got a good wish now, Maw. 

Maw — Wal, what is it, chile? 

G. W — -Don't ver tink it would pay us ter keep a 
calf? 

Maw — Lawsy me! What fer would we keep a calf? 

G. W. — 'Cause Nitie's comin' home today, an' after 
she bin a whole yeah at de mission school, she'll want 
something bettah to eat dan we git fer breakfast. 

Maw — (grabbing off slipper) George Washington, 
ah'll whip yer till yer white if ah heah another complaint 



Fowl Deeds 15. 

about what n.h gib yer to eat. Besides, George Washing- 
ton, ah don't want yer callin' yer sister "Nitie." Lawsy 
me! She is Florence Nightingale Gittem, de daughter ob 
Samuel Jeremiah Gittem. Anyway what would our keep- 
in' a calf hab ter do wid better eatin'? 

G. W. — 'Cause, Maw, don't yer see if we keep a cali\ 
we could hab liver every mornin' fer breakfast. 

A. L. — Goody, Maw, let's git a calf. 

Mmv — Lawsy me, chillen ! What heads you got. But 
ah can't git no calf. Yer paw don't gib me no money. 
(Aside.) Florence Nightingale might like liver. -(Smil- 
ing.) Ah'll ask Sambo if he can't git us a calf. But, law- 
sy me! Sambo would be more apt to git catched at gittin' 
a calf dan at gittin' chickens. 

.4. L. — Ah, maw, yer powerful skeered. Didn't Paw 
say de Lord would look after him? 

Man- — Yes, Abraham Lincoln. No Gittem has ebber 
been catched yet. De good Lord does look after his own. 
(Looks out window. Joyously.) Oh, here comes yer paw 
and Florence Nightingale. Hurry, boys, and git yer hair 
straightened. (Pdows nose on apron; boys each run hands 
through their hair. G. W. sta7'ts to door. Maw picks up 
baby.) 

A. L. — Heah, George Washington; don't yer know 
yer got one hair crooked? (G. W. grabs A. L. by hair.) 

G. W. — Don't yer know yer got yer hair crooked? 
(A. L. struggles to get away. Voices and laughter heard 
outside.) 

Maw — Lawsy me, chillen, none ob — (Door opens. 
Nitie, nicely dressed in Northern style. Hat and gloves 
on, carrying a ukelele case, and is followed by Sambo, 
carrying a suit case. Florence and Maiv rush into each 
other's arms, kiss and name each other. Florence next 
takes baby in arms, kisses and. tosses baby in air.) 

F. iV, — Oh, Mary Ann Elizabeth Jane, how you've 
grown. You dear honey. (Hands baby to mother, and 
turns to boys.) George Washington, I'd scarcely know 
you. (Extends hands and attempts to kiss G. W., whd 
gives hand but jerks head away to avoid kiss.) 



16 Fowl Deeds 

G. W. — Aw, now, Nitie! Ah'm nearly a man. Kith- 
in' is jist fer babies and women. 

F. N. — (laughing merrily.) Abraham Lincoln, you'll 
give me a kiss, won't you? (Shakes hands with A. L. and 
imprints kisses on both cheeks.' 

A. L. — Shuah, Nitie, ah likes ter kiss de girls. (Rubs 
kisses off cheeks.) 

Maw — Take off yer hat, Florence Nightingale, an' 
git ready for breakfast. 'Mother gives babe to Sambo, 
and continues to set table.) F. N. takes off hat and gloves. 
A. L. and G. W. busy themselves about the ukelele case.) 
Is yer very tired, honey? 

F. N. — Yes, Maw, powerful tired. I'd like to know 
why they put the depot so far from town. 

Sambo — Why did dey put de depot so far from town, 
chile? Ah suppose dey done dat so as to hab de depot as 
near as dey could to de railroad. 

F. N. — Why, sure, paw. I was stupid not to think 
of that. 

Maw — (standing with arms akimbo, looking F. N. up 
and down. ) Lawsy me ! Wherf or did yer git all dem fine 
clothes, Florence Nightingale? 

F. N. — I made them myself maw, at the mission 
school. 

Maw — You made 'em? Why, lawsy me! Florence 
Nightingale Cittern ! Who teached you how ter make 
dresses? 

F. N. — I learned that at school, mother. They teach 
all the girls to sew. I'm going to make some new clothes 
for you, and Mary Ann Elizabeth Jane. (Opens suit 
case.) 

Maw — (going over to baby and petting cheeks) Poor 
little pickaninny! My little Mary Ann Elizabeth Jane! 
If you don't git better soon you won't need no clothes. 

F. N. — What! Maw is Mary Ann Elizabeth Jane 
sick? What's the matter? (Goes over and takes baby in 
her arms. ) She does look white. 



Fowl Deeds I? 

Mate — Oh, her stomach's wrong. She can't eat noth- 
ing. 

F. N. — They taught us at the mission school how to 
care for children. If her stomach's wrong, she ought to 
diet. 

Sambo — If her stomach's wrong she ought ter dye 
it! Now, what color would yer dye it? 

F. N. — Oh, Paw, I don't mean that kind of dye. I 
mean diet — D-I-E-T— change the food. They told us 
that if a baby does not thrive on fresh milk, it should be 
boiled. 

Maw — Lawsy me,chile ! You say if de baby does not 
thrive on fresh milk it should be boiled? Are yer plumb 
gone crazy? Don't yer know that boiling would kill de 
baby. ( All laugh.) 

F. N. — Aw, mother, let's have breakfast. (Puts baby 
in its box, starts to table. Whistling is heard outside. ) 

Sambo — Heah comes Rastus, Nightie. He asked me 
last night if he could marry you. 

Mad* — Git out o' the room boys. Sambo, git some 
wood. (Sambo and A. L. move out. G. W. crawls under 
couch unnoticed by others. Rap is heard at the door andt 
Maw opens it.) Come in. 

(Enter Rastus grinning, and goes straight to F. N. 
with outstretched arms. F. N. steps back and coldly 
reaches him the tips of her fingers. Maw carries baby* 
out, furtively watching Rastus as she goes.) 

Rastus — Nitie, ma Nitie, ah's powerful glad to see 
yer back. 

F. N. — (turning back to Rastus.) Well, if you're so" 
powerful glad to see my back, look at it then. 

Rastus — Nitie, mah Nitie, talk to me, Nitie. Ah 
loves you so's ah can't stand it no longer. 

F. N.r— Well, sit. then, if you can't stand it. (F. N, 
sits down on couch. Rastus sits beside her. F. N. gets 
up and moves to other chair.) 

Rastus — If you would only give me the least hope, ah 
would — 



18 Fcnvl Deeds 

F. N. — (interrupting) Gracious! I've given you the 
least hope I ever gave any man. 

Maw — (appearing at door, grinning) What are you 
two chillens talkin' about? 

F. N. — Oh — we — we — we're talking about our kith 
and kin. 

G. W. — (crawling out from under couch) Yes, maw, 
dey was talkin' about their kith and kin. Rastus he said 
may I kith you, an' Nitie she said, "You kin." /All 
laugh.) 

F. N. — (getting up) George Washington Gittem. 
If it wasn't for one thing you would be a clever boy. 

G. W. — An' what's dat one ting, Nitie, dat keeps me 
from bein' a clever boy? 

F. N. — The one thing that keeps you from being a 
clever boy is your brain. 

G. W. — Mah brain! Maw allays said, ah hadn't 
none. 

Maw — He's jist like his paw. 

F. N. — Rastus, would you not like to go for a nice, 
long walk? 

Rastus — (jumping up and, grinning happily) Ah 
shuah would love to. (Reaches for hat.) 

F. N. — Well, if you'd love to go for a nice, long walk, 
don't let me detain you. 

(Rastus opens mouth in astonishment. Sinks on the), 
couch.) 

Rastus — But — but — Nitie, ah thought you was a- 
comin' wid me. 

G. W. — We can't let Nitie go, now. We want her to 
tell us eberyting. 

F. N. — To tell you everything. Why, George Wash- 
ington! But, really, I don't know everything. 

Rastus — (Shaking his head sadly.) Ah'm powerful 
skeered Nitie knows too much fer poor ol' Rastus. 



Fowl Deeds 19 

Maw— (taking G. W. by the ear, and marching him 
out of the room.) Can't yer see Rastus wants ter pro- 
pose? 

Rastus — Nitie, ah must hab an answer. Don't you 
lub me no moah? What's de mattah wid poor ol' Rastus? 

F. N. — Oh, Rastus! Everything's the matter with 
you. You don't know beans. 

Rastus — Don' know beans! Shuah ah do. Ah saw 
a whole pail ob 'em at de store today. 

F. N. — (smiling) Oh, Rastus, I can't name all your 
faults. You smoke too much. If the Lord had meant 
you to smoke, Rastus, He would have put a chimney on 
the top of your head. The boys at the mission school do 
not smoke. 

Rastus — Ah smoke too much! No, Nitie, ah doan 
smoke no moah. Dey ain't no pleasure in it now. 

F. N. — You don't smoke any more! What a trans- 
formation! I thought you and your pipe were insepar- 
able. Why don't you smoke any more, Rastus? 

Rastus — Why doan ah smoke no more? Ah doan 
smoke no mo' because ah doan git no pleasure out ob it, 
now. 

F. N. — Why don't you get any pleasure out of it, 
now? 

Rastus — Wal yo' see it's dis way, Nitie. It's too ex- 
pensive to use mah own tobacco, and when ah use some- 
body else's tobacco, de pipe it am so full it don't draw. 

F. N. — (laughs) That's just the trouble, Rastus. 
You have no independence. You don't work. 

Rastus — Ah won't work? Why, Nitie, ah don't hab 
ter work. Ah knows all de chicken roosts 'roun' heah. 

F. N. — Oh, Rastus, don't you know it's wicked to 
steal chickens? 

Rastus — Wicked to steal chickens! No, no, it am 
only wicked if you git catched ; an' ah nebber git catched. 

F. N. — (getting up and going to suit case) I will 
eat no more stolen chicken. Every man should work for 
his living. You're just like your ancestors, Rastus. 



20 Fowl Deeds 

Rastus — Ancestors! What's dem? 

F. N. — Why ancestors are the people you spring- 
from. 

Rastus — (jumping up) The people ah spring from? 
Nitie, ah want's yer to know ah don't nebber spring from 
nobody. Ah allays springs at 'em. 

F. N. — Oh, Rastus, you're hopeless. 

Rastus — Las, night ah thought ah might do some 
springin' at somebody. Ah was shuah somebody was a- 
follerin' me, so ah walked backwards all de way home. 

F. N. — But, what good did it do to walk backwards 
all the way home? 

Rastus — Don't you see, Nitie? If ah walked back- 
wards ah could see if anybody was a-follerin' me. 

(Crying and whacks are heard outside. A. L. comes 
in sobbing, holding hands on seat of pants.) 

F. N. — (placing hand on his shoulder) Why, Abra- 
ham Lincoln, what are you crying about? (A. L. sobs. J 
Whatever is the trouble? 

A. L. — (sobbing Paw, he cut his boot wid de ax,, 
when he was choppin' de chicken's head oif. 

F. N. — Paw cut his boot? Well, child, if it was only, 
the boot, why didn't you laugh instead of cry? 

A. L. — Ah did laugh. Dat was de trouble! (Wrig- 
gles out rubbing pants with both hands.) 

(F. N. and Rastus both laugh. F. N. qoes to ukelele 
case and takes out ukelele.) 

Rastus — What you got dere, Nitie? 

F. N.— A ukelele. 

Rastus — Let me hab it, dear. (Rastus takes it, and 
playing very softly, sings a tender love song. Hands 
back ukelele and picks up hat.) Wal, Nitie, Ah guess 
poor ol' Rastus better be gwine. (Sadly.) Think it over,. 
Nitie, dear. What can ah do to be worthy ob you? (Goes 
toward door, shaking head sadly. F. N. follows.) Don't 
bodder showin' me to de doah, Nitie. 



Fowl Deeds 21 

F. N. — Oh, it's no trouble to show you to the door, 
Eastus. I assure you it's a pleasure. (F. N. turns, look- 
ing thoughtful.) (Sadly.) Poor Rastus. I used to like 
him. He was a good, kind boy. But, oh, things seem so 
different. He seems so ignorant and uncouth. So dif- 
ferent from the boys at the mission school. The boys at 
the school are learning good trades. And are learning 
how to farm successfully. They know it's wrong to steal 
chickens. If Rastus were only like those boys. (Pauses 
awhile. Face brightens.} I know. I'll coax Rastus to 
go to the mission school. I am sure they could make a 
fine man of him. 

(Enter Sambo, carrying one living chiclu 

Sambo — Where's yer maw, Nitie? Ah got one chick- 
en killed, an' ah wants ter see if she wants both ob 'em 
fo' dinnah. 

F. N. — Why, Paw! Two chickens! Whei-e did you 
get them? 

Sambo — Speak low, chile, speak low. You knows yo' 
paw of old, daughtah. Ah allays was a good providah. 

F. N. — But, paw, I cannot eat stolen chickens. Don't 
you know it's wrong to steal? 

Sambo — Wrong to steal! No, Nitie, it's not wrong 
to steal if you don't git catched. 

F. N. — But, paw, it is wrong whether you're caught 
or not. It's breaking one of the commandments. 

Sambo — But, Nitie, ah allays steals from a white 
man. Ue good Lord don't mind us stealin' from de white 
trash. Nitie, ah promised yer maw when ah married her 
dat ah would git her a chicken ebery week, an' so far, 
we'se had chicken fer dinnah ebery Sunday, 'cept one, 
and dat Sunday we had turkey. Aw, Nitie, de Lord has 
been good ter me. Ah's nebber bin catched once. 

F. N. — (going to Sambo and putting her hand mi. 
his arm.) Oh, paw, I do wish I could get you to see it's 
wicked. 



22 Fowl Deeds 

Sambo — (stepping back amazed.) Me, wicked, Ni- 
tie? How can you say dat? Don't yo' know ah goes to 
prayer meetin' ebery week? No, daughtah, ah's one ob 
de Lord's own. Ah can make longer an' louder prayers 
dan any niggah at de meetin's. De good Lord has allays 
blessed ol' Sambo. No man as can make as long prayers 
as ah can, can eber be called wicked. 

F. N. — With us, the whites are as trash, but the 
Lord, He makes no difference. With Him it is just as 
bad to take from a white as from a black. Besides, the 
good book says we must earn our living by the sweat of 
our brow. 

Sambo — Why, daughtah, if you had seen me sweat 
las' night, when Mr. Vincent come in heah lookin' fer his 
chickens, you'd know dat ah earns mah livin' by de sweat 
ob mah brow. 

F. N. — Yes, paw, but that was not work. (Puts her 
hand on his arm, pleadingly.) Paw, I cannot and will 
not eat stolen chicken. Let us work for our living. (Face 
brightens. ) I'll work with you. Let's all work. (Jump- 
ing up and down with glee. ) Look at all those ten acres 
of waste land behind our house. If that was properly 
worked we could all live well, and honestly. Oh! (Clap- 
ping hands with glee.) What fun! We could all dress 
respectably, and have a decent house. Think of it, paw. 

Sambo — Work! (Lets chicken fall on floor.) Aw, 
Florence Nightingale! Dat word, work, sounds all right 
fer some. But doan yer know dat work an' yer paw doan 
agree. 

F. N. — (Laughs.) But, paw, it will when I work 
with you, and Abraham Lincoln and George Washington 
work, too. How independent we'll all feel. Let's try it, 
paw. Please do. Just try it. 

Sambo — (somewhat sadly) All right, Nitie; you 
could allays manage your poor ol' father. But, what'll 
we do fo' dinnah, if ah takes dese chickens back? 

F. N. — Don't worry about dinner. I learned how to 
make lots of good things while at the school. And are 



Fowl Deeds 23 

you really going to take the chickens back? You darling, 
darling, darling father! Oh, I'm so happy. (Throws 
arms about SarKbo's neck and kisses him.) 

Sambo — (picking up chicken ) Yes, chile, I'll take 
'em back. It might please de Lord ; and besides, ah tink 
it might be bettah fo' George Washington and Abraham 
Lincoln to learn to work. (Starts toward door with bow- 
ed head, then turns around grinning.) If ah tells Mr. 
Vincent ah found his chickens, ah might git a reward. 
(Goes out.) 

F. N. — Oh ! I could shout with joy. (Dances around 
the platform, picks up ukelele, and sings a happy, joyous 1 
ditty.) Oh, I must be helping maw. (Dances out.) 



CURTAIN 



r 



Plays for Amateurs 

By SEYMOUR S. TIBBALS 



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Somewhere In France; 4m.3f 35c 

Sergeant Jim of the 

U.S. Marines; 7 m. 12 f 35c 

The Little Politician; 7 m. 3 f 35c 

Getting Even With Reggie; 5 m. 8 f . 35c 

At The Village Postoffice; &* cter . .. ..35c 

The Man Haters; 11 f . 4 m 35c 

Vinegars Vaudeville Agency; Number 35c 

The Millionaire Janitor; play for boys 35c 

In Dixie Land; male characters 35c 

Up Caesar's Creek; boys' play 35c 

Christmas Plays 

Christmas at Finnegan's Flat 25c 

Christmas at Golden Gulch 25c 

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FOWL DEEDS 

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SPECIAL DAYS 

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for every special day. Price 50 cents. 



I 



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Scene from the Comic Opera, "The Captain of Plymouth" 



THE CAPTAIN OF PLYMOUTH 

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Right of presentation given with purchase of 15 copies. Rental 
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THE HERMIT OF HAWAII 

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OPERETTAS FOR CHILDREN 

Midsummer Eve - 

In Little Folks Town - 
Under The Sugar Plum Tree - 
Arcticania - - - 



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